


Dream/Nightmare

by Blue_Lacquer



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Canon Era, Dreams and Nightmares, Fire Nation Royal Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:56:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3758701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Lacquer/pseuds/Blue_Lacquer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zuko is back home now, but he isn't happy there.  His dreams leave clues as to why he's not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dream/Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published on livejournal under a different title. A riff on "Nightmares and Daydreams."

He walked in a vast plain, the sun beating down on him. He had to find his uncle. It was time to make tea. There were customers waiting. An Earth Kingdom girl walked beside him.

"Your uncle's at my house," she said. "He wanted more roast duck."

"No, he's not. You hate us."

"I don't hate you."

"I gave you those scars, you know. You were nice, and I still burned you. I'm sorry, but it's just the way I am."

"Fire benders burned me."

"What do you think I am?"

"You're a boy with a scar who doesn't have a home."

"I wear a blue mask. I steal from people like you. I wear the crown of the Fire Lord. I kill people like you."

"Did you kill your uncle?"

"Leave me alone."

He came to a deserted town, the buildings burning. The water bender girl watched him pass through.

She shouted, "You killed your uncle!"

"He's not dead!"

"I could have healed him. I could have healed you. I have healing powers." She waved her arms at him, jets of water misting the dry air.

"I don't believe you. It's just water."

"I healed the Avatar."

"That's because he's the Avatar." She reached out a hand to him. He gripped her wrist and pushed it away. "Don't touch my face."

Past the town the land was frozen. He carried the Avatar on his back as he walked.

"I'm cold," the boy complained.

"You're the one who decided to go to the North Pole."

"You're the one who decided to follow me."

"I didn't have a choice! I lost my honor."

"You do have a choice."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"You do. You set my bison free."

"That was someone else."

"If he had a choice, you do too."

"It doesn't work that way. My choices aren't choices. I made a choice, and I had no choice."

"Is that why you killed your uncle?"  
  
"Be quiet, bald monk."

He came to a river. There was no bridge and no boat, so he swam across. He followed the turtle seals in the water. They were noisy, but they knew which way to go. He came up on land at the outer wall of Ba Sing Se. He walked through the city. All he saw were Fire Nation soldiers, drinking tea. He could not find his uncle.

A boy with a knife in his hands stopped him. The words 'Made in Earth Kingdom' were written on the wall behind him.

"You gave up," the boy said. "You didn't fight."

"Of course I fought! I just lost."

"The Fire Nation never loses."

"Everyone loses."

"I lost my brother."

"I lost my mother."

"You killed your uncle."

"I did not!"

"Lee's right, Li," the older boy said. He leaned against the wall. He had a long piece of straw in his mouth and carried a pair of dao swords. "You killed your uncle, before I had a chance to kill him. That wasn't fair."

"You can still kill me," he said, and charged the boy. They fought in the street, fire against steel. Every time flame or blade grazed skin, they were pulled apart and started the fight all over again.

"I knew you were Fire Nation!"

"I am the son of the Fire Lord!"

"Come on, you seriously think I'd believe that? Look at you. You're not anyone's son. Sons don't have scars like that."  
  
"My father is Fire Lord Ozai, my grandfather is Fire Lord Azulon, my great grandfather is Fire Lord Sozin!"

"They may be your fathers, but you're not their son."

He screamed, and a fireball filled the city. The walls of Ba Sing Se melted. He spotted a tea shop still standing in the rubble and ran into it.

His uncle sat on the floor of the barred cell inside. He said, "You should not have done that."

"Uncle!" He thrust his arms through the heavy metal bars, but he could not reach the man.

"You've destroyed all my tea. All of it. I will never have tea again."

"No! There's plenty of tea. I'll get you more. I'm a prince! I can get tea."

"It is too late. You had a choice, and you chose to destroy the tea. I had faith in you, and you failed."

"Don't say that!"

"I understand now why your father banished you." His uncle turned his back to him. "You are banished."

"No! Please, Uncle, no. I'll--I'll capture the Avatar."

"The Avatar is dead."

"No, he's not! I'll find him." He turned to leave the cell, but was trapped by the bars now surrounding him.

His uncle said, "There is no hope for you."

***

He sat on a blanket on the beach at Ember Island. His father sat in a lounge chair nearby, a wall of fire roaring behind him.

"It's been years since we've been here, Li," his father said. "I'd forgotten that sand is so sandy." He waved smoke away from his face. "It doesn't burn well either."

"My name's not Li."

"Aren't you your sister Azula's brother?"

"I'm your son."

"Ah, the prince who killed the Avatar, I remember you now."

"The Avatar isn't dead."

"Oh, of course he is. No one can survive the deadly green crystals underneath Ba Sing Se. And even if he weren't, it doesn't matter. He's a child. I'm good at burning children."

"Where's my mother?"

"You don't have a mother."

" _Everyone_ has a mother."  
  
"You're not everyone. You're descended from the Fire Lords. We have no need of mothers."

"I need mine."

His father sighed. "This is why I don't come to the beach anymore."

He got up and walked along the water's edge. His sister walked beside him. He gave her a shell. She looked at it, then tossed it away.

"Give me something that burns," she said.

"How do I get Dad to love me like he loves you?"

She laughed. "He'll never love you, because you burn, like paper. I saw it. I don't burn. I burn everything else. I burned the Avatar."

"You didn't kill the Avatar."

"I wasn't trying to. Do you think I failed?" She snorted. "I never fail. That's your job."

"Why do you hate me?"

" _You_ hate _me_."

"You hated me first."

"I can set you on fire, like Dad did. He only burned your bad side, but I'll burn the rest."

"Go away."

"Make me, Zuzu."

The Blue Spirit appeared behind her, swords held to her throat. She looked surprised. "You don't know everything about me," he said.

He went into town. There were advertisements for the Ember Island Players plastered to all the walls. His mother smiled at him from the posters. He went into the theater and found a seat. The stage was empty, except for a giant blue dragon that looked like it was sleeping, or like it was made out of felt, or perhaps both. Ty Lee bounded onto the stage and walked on her hands around the beast. The audience applauded.

"This is the worst production of Love Amongst the Dragons ever," he said.

Mai said, "You're telling me. This is the third time I've seen it today." She sat alone in the row in front of him. She was wearing a dark red bikini that was very not appropriate for the theater. The sharp knives lining her arms and legs glinted in the light.

"You don't usually...dress like that."

She studied her nails. "I'm bored."

"You don't usually dress like that when you're bored."

"I won't tell you I love you," she said. "Don't take it personally. That's just the way it is in the Fire Nation."

"My mother told me she loves me."  
  
"She's your mother. I hear some of them do that."

"Have you seen my mother? She was supposed to be here."

"No. I'll share my mother with you if you'd like. She'll teach you not to cry ever again."

"Thanks, but I need my own."

He climbed up onto the stage and looked at the spotlights. The moon rose behind them. He hopped off the stage and walked through the palace gardens. He stopped at the turtle duck pond. His grandfather stood beside him.

"Where's my mother?"

" _I_ don't care," the old man said. "She's a murderer."

"That's a lie!"

"Don't be stupid, boy. Everyone in our family is."

"She was good!"

"That doesn't matter. Good, bad--we all kill in the end. It's a family tradition."

"I've never killed anyone."

"You killed me," Zhao said. He was sitting on the back of a large turtle duck, trailing his feet in the water.

"You tried to kill _me_! And you chose to go with the giant spirit fish."

"I captured the Avatar, and the Fire Lord gave me this pond. You're his son, and he never gave you a pond. He loves me more than you."

"You be his son, then."

A scar erupted on Zhao's face. He cried, "I am the lord of the turtle ducks!"

"Get out of my pond!" He picked up a rock and threw it at Zhao.

"Zuko," his mother said. She stood at the edge of the water. "Why would you do that?"

"Mom!" he cried. He ran to hug her.

She held him at arm's length, looking at him oddly. "I'm sorry," she said, "I was looking for my son."

"I'm your son!"

She smiled at him patiently. "I would recognize my own son, Li."

"Don't call me that!"

"I have to go now. I have to find my son, but good luck finding your mother."

"Mom, don't leave me! Please, don't leave me again."

She walked away.

***

He ran through the empty, dark streets of the royal city. He had to find the Avatar.

"Here I am," the bald boy said, gliding by.

"Not you."

"Aww," the boy pouted.

"Wait, you _are_ the Avatar."

"I sure am."

"But you're an air bender."

"I sure am." He sat on top of a ball of air.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hate reincarnation. It's too confusing."

He returned to the palace and searched his room. There were scrolls piled everywhere, but he couldn't find the one he needed. He held them to the fire, but they all just burned.

Mai leaned against the wall. She asked, "What are you looking for?"

"The Avatar."

"Did you get banished again?"

"No. I need to talk to him."

"You're angry."

"No, I'm not. I'm really not."

"You're high-strung and crazy."

"Yeah, _that_ I am."

She took his hand and pulled him to her, kissing him. "I can't," he said, pulling away. "I have to find the Avatar."

"You can kiss me and look for the Avatar at the same time."

He was surprised, but she was right. He kissed her, and they moved through the city, or maybe he kissed her and the city moved around them. They came to the entrance to the Dragon Bone Catacombs.

He squeezed her hands. She said, "I try to help. I don't know what to do, but my aim is true."

"I know. But I need more help than you can give me. I'll miss you." He kissed her again. He opened the door to the Catacombs and left her on the surface, alone and alive.

He walked through the winding underground passages until he came to a long flight of stairs. He climbed up and up the side of a mountain. At the top of the steps, he saw Avatar Roku's temple. He ran ahead. The doors were sealed and would not open when he shot fire at them. He banged on the doors and shouted, but no one answered.

His uncle was picking small red flowers from bushes nearby. He asked, "Uncle, what do I do?"  
  
His uncle answered, "In order to open the door to the Avatar's temple, you need all four elements."

"I can't bend all four elements!" He backed away from the door, studying the wall of the temple soaring above him. "There must be some other way in."

"Nephew, look at these beautiful flowers." He looked in his uncle's basket. The flowers were arranged to form each of the symbols of the four elements.

He glanced at the doors, then turned back to his uncle and said, "The element of power is fire. The people of fire have desire and will."

"You were born in the Fire Nation. You have always had desire and will."

"The element of substance is earth. The people of earth are persistent and enduring."

"You have lived in the Earth Kingdom. You have learned to endure."

"The element of change is water. The people of water are adaptable."

"You have been to the North and South Poles. You have learned to adapt."

"The element of freedom is air. The people of air found peace and freedom."

"You have been to the Air Temples, and now you seek peace and freedom."

He aimed another blast of fire at the doors, and this time they opened. He told his uncle, "I'm coming for you. I'll make it up to you, I swear."

He entered the temple and walked along the deserted halls. Large sections of the ceiling and walls were crumbling. He arrived at the doors to the inner chamber and opened them with a burst of flame. He fell to his knees and called, "Avatar Roku?" He waited, but nothing happened. He stood up and entered the room.

The center of the chamber was brightly lit by sunlight filtering through the ruined roof. In the sun, the air bender sat cross-legged on the floor, eyes glowing white and pupil-less. He approached the monk and knelt again. He said, "Everyone thinks you're dead, but I know you're not."

The Avatar did not react. He said, louder, "You can't just sit there, doing some glowy-eyed spirit thing. Don't you know what's happening? Sozin's Comet is coming! The Fire Nation is going to launch a full-scale airship assault on the Earth Kingdom and wipe out everyone they can find. You need to stop it. You're the only one who can."

The Avatar still sat motionless. He waved a hand in front of the boy's eyes. He said, "You can't fire bend. But I can teach you. I'll leave during the eclipse. After I break my uncle out of prison, I'll find you and teach you fire bending. Then you can end the war. I've got a balloon hidden just outside the city. I've already started packing." He studied the silent air bender and sighed. "You're a child. You can't answer my questions. I need to find Avatar Roku."

A second set of eyes blazed white in the shadows behind the monk. A whirlwind of fire swirled through the room, spreading until it enclosed him and the boy in a circle. The silhouette of a tall man wearing his hair in a topknot appeared in the flame behind the seated Avatar.

He touched his forehead to the floor, saying, "Avatar Roku." He stood up and continued, addressing the outline of a man with the white burning eyes, "My name is Zuko. Prince of the Fire Nation and heir to the throne. Tea server in the Jasmine Dragon. Outlaw known as the Blue Spirit. Great grandson of Fire Lord Sozin and yourself." The fire surrounding him swelled as he spoke, climbing halfway to the temple ceiling. "I need to know...I need to know..."

He stopped. He had come all this way to find answers, and now he could not find the question. The words he wanted were like gusts of wind, pressing on him for a moment, and vanishing before he could seize them. "I need to know..."

The air bender caught the words for him, "If it's true what your uncle says--that you can be good, that you can help restore balance to the world."

A shiver crawled along his flesh as the child spoke his thoughts out loud. Both pairs of expressionless white eyes were fixed on him. He fought the urge to run, to hide from the spirit eyes and the power he was connected to but did not understand, from his own question revealed and ready to be answered. He was afraid.

The Avatar said, "You will answer that question yourself."

"But I don't _know_ the answer."

"No one does. You are the only one who can _create_ the answer."

He turned that thought over in his mind for a while. "What if I just _can't_ be good? I've done so many bad things already."

"The people of the Fire Nation have the energy and drive to achieve what they want. You are Fire Nation, are you not?"

"Of course I am."

"Then it is a question of whether you want to be good."

"It's not that simple!"

"Conquering the world was not 'that simple,' but your ancestors would never have done it if they didn't _want_ it in the first place."

He turned that thought over in his mind for a while. "I do want it."

The Avatar said, "There's something else you came here to ask. Do you wish to say it or should I?"

"I don't know if I _can_ say it."

"Very well."

The flames flashed up to the ceiling, smoke billowing around the air bender. The silhouette of a man stepped out of the fire, and became a man made as much of fire as of flesh, with eyes of smoke. His father stood behind the Avatar.

He said, "This isn't his temple. I didn't come here to see him."

"No, but you must see him before you go."

"I know. I'll be ready this time. Ask me my question."

"You want to know why you still love him, what it means. If it's a sign of purity or of sickness inside of you."

"Is this a question I have to answer myself too?"

"Do you want an answer?"  
  
He turned that last thought over in his mind for a while. "I know what I want to do. I know what I want to be. It won't stop me, whatever it is."

"You will still wonder."

"Yes. But I've decided." The fire died, and he and the Avatar were alone in the now dark chamber. "The first thing you need to understand is that the key to fire bending is in the breath."


End file.
